where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize