The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
