I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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