If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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