When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
