My sheets look like a crime scene.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
