I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
