can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
