I think I am morally bankrupt
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
