I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
