Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
should my penis look like a turkey
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
