i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
