And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
