It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
