get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
