i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
