There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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