hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
