Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My feet surprised me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
