I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
