so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
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Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
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Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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