Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
