Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
