I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
