When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
