no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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