John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
