I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize