East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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