I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
