Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
