HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My feet surprised me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
