we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
