i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
