is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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