I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
