I hate your face
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
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You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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