Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
