That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
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found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize