I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
