Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
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The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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