You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
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It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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