she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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