they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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