In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
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Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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