you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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