Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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