arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
