They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
