Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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