We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
