I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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