I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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