I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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