how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
