I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
