thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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