My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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