it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dear god my vagina.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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