i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
