a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
