you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
