Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
