Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
