I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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