Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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