You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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