Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
