New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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