I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
