either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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