He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
