Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
