You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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