Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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