This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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