Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
