well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
