idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
